Text 1 (Author ‘A’)

1. The precise articulation of this dissertation comes as somewhat of a surprise

2. The distance-learning writer was kind enough to come to Portsmouth to discuss the dissertation in the early part of the summer, and we reached agreement on its shape: early chapters on definitional issues relating to ‘technical translation’ and ‘culture’; an identification of the ways in which cultural elements are articulated in technical translation and an analysis of the identified cultural elements on the basis of a corpus of appropriate texts.

3. While this shape has been retained, the space allocated to the various sections of the dissertations was not expected.

4. Of the 90 pages devoted to the dissertation, some 60 are taken up by the corpus, leaving only 30 for the analytical sections of the dissertation.

5. If we calculate that there are approx. 350 words per page, the total number of words is 10,500.

6. This makes the dissertation short of the prescribed length of 12,000 to 15,000 words.

7. The key analytical section – pages 86 to 94 – is less than 10 pages.

8. Most of it is taken up with terminology – pages 86 to 91, a total of fives pages – if we subsume the sections on terms, compounds and neologisms (sections 6.1 and 6.2) under terminology.

9. Section 6.3 on culture in syntax covers a number of points – word order in relation to the verb, sentence length, use of passive, impersonal style – in one page and provides highly limited evidence.

10. The concluding section, 6.3 on culture in typology and layout, is also very short –less than half a page – and again includes limited evidence, e.g. the use of italics in a single instance.

11. There is simply not enough evidence to support to writer’s contention that cultural elements constitute an element of technical translation, of which the translator should be aware.

12. The highly limited investigation of a substantial corpus – and it should be noted that no details on the texts are provided beyond a list of website addresses for the ST and a list of website addresses for the parallel texts

13. AND that no explanation is given as to why these texts in particular were selected – means that the dissertation cannot be accepted as a pass.

14. For a resubmission the student will be required to produce a new version of Chapter 6, taking the above points into account.

Text 2 (‘Author A’)

1.  The writer produces the first survey of its kind: a snapshot of the use and perception of Translation Memory in Poland.

2. The picture which emerges in the concluding chapter is both useful and interesting, complementing as it does earlier surveys carried out in different regions of the world.

3. The writer’s command of English is very good and communication with the reader is generally not impeded.

4. On occasion, however, the complex sentence structures employed by the writer cause the reader to go over particular passages several times.

5. An example is provided on page 5 where the writer is reporting on Trados’ adoption of Atril’s integrated approach.

6. And while on the subject of structure, better paragraphing in places would have facilitated comprehension.

7. See, for example, chapter 4 which has a number of long paragraphs.

8. Occasionally, the writer lets slip his own perspective, e.g. the use of ‘worrrying’ when describing the tendency for translation agencies to insist on their translators’ use of TM (Trados).

9. Expressions like ‘huge mistake’ (p.38) and ‘not to be sneezed at’(p.40) also suggest that an academic writing style is not consistently maintained.

10. This lack of rigour is manifested elsewhere in the dissertation.

11. For example, when reporting on the findings of his survey he maintains that “females are less computer-minded” (page 22).

12. However, no attempt is made to correlate the purported lesser use of TM by women translators against the perception of their IT skills (on the same page).

13. And while the author is generally good at drawing the reader’s attention to the limitations of the survey he doesn’t always do so consistently.

14. So, for example, the geographical location of the respondents is pinpointed on page 20, but the writer fails to take adequate account of the random nature of his respondents’ geographical location in the conclusions he draws on page 34 from the table which shows the perception of TM promotion according to region.

15. Greater rigour could have been achieved through better use of concluding summaries at the end of key chapters.

16. For example, a concluding summary at the end of chapter 2 would have prepared the way for the ensuing chapter which reports on the survey.

17. And the same applies to chapter 3 where a linking section between the report on the findings of the survey and the interviews would have been welcome.

18. As a reader I would have welcomed a clearer idea of what the foci were of the interviews.

19. In summary, the writer has undertaken some useful research and produced a unique account.

20. The methodology employed is basically sound, but could have been applied with more rigour and objectivity..

Text 3 (‘Author A’)

306/14

21.8

Text 1 (Author B)

1. (Student name) has submitted a first class dissertation which shows a detailed grasp of context, literature and method.

2. The dissertation looks at the constructs of motivation, WTC, anxiety and SPCC and applies them to his students at a university in Taiwan.

3. These constructs are explained and operationalised using contemporary literature and measurement techniques.

4. Throughout there is an impressive thoroughness to the text.

5. Terms are defined and supported with literature.

6. Questions of the appropriate nature of the constructs and their contextual suitability are regularly raised.

7. This shows an ability to both apply and critique ideas and methods.

8. There is thus a sense of someone in control of his research.

9. Moreover, where the results are different to those predicted there is a willingness to rethink rather than blag.

10. The dissertation is well organised and logical.

11. It follows a traditional research-based dissertation format.

12. Key terms are defined early and succinctly.

13. The Introduction is perhaps the weakest section in terms of organization.

14. The format is fine but this reader would have liked to see (1) more sources used before identifying the ‘gap’ on page 2; and (2) perhaps 200 words on the history of Taiwan.

15. Both these points are significant in that throughout the text there is a tension between Taiwan as unique context and Taiwanese learners are being linked with Chinese ones.

16. Taiwan, of course, has an inimitable cultural position.

17. That said, it was impressive throughout how much context-specific literature had been found and how the nuances of, say, Wen and Clement had been taken on board.

18. Another tension in the text is the relationship between WTC, exams and speaking (this begins of page 6).

19. The relationship between these variables for the target students needs more explanation.

20. There are also occasions where more discussion (and showing the diagrams) of the models would have aided in the explanations (e.g. p12).

21. This may have been due to pressure of space and in some senses may be a positive – the text is not a beginner’s essay.

22. The summary on p19 and p20 was a very useful digest of the earlier specialised and technical discussion.

23. There was a huge amount of data in the research.

24. The text shows an awareness of the correct application of statistical tests and the limitations of certain procedures.

25. Again, there was a sense of control over the research.

26. A little more precision in the description of the participants (p.27) would have been useful.

27. Although the research is sensitive to the context in the most part in is here (p28) that the particularity of the participants becomes most evident [the argument that they are at “the top of their game” is debatable; that if they are anxious then anxiety is a “grave problem for all” more so.

28. Less space is given to pedagogical implications than might have been expected in a dissertation inspired by a enthusiasm to improve teaching.

29. This may be due to the ‘snap shot’ nature of the study – it is not longitudinal – and the fact that no changes in teaching to see what improves things has been undertaken.

30. The text is presented exceptionally well.

31. There are few typos or errors.

32. All that said, I was impressed, on a page by page basis, in the level of understanding, insight and energy in this dissertation.

33. With suitable developing and structuring it is the basis of a publishable paper.

Text 2 (‘Author B’)

1. This is a bold and structured approach to a longstanding educational problem (evaluating new materials) applied to a contemporary method (genre pedagogy).

2. The research is based on an extensive reading of complex literature and a principled view of methodology.

3. The main limitation of the research, which has been present since its inception, is the experimental design and the limited scale of the data in relation to the conclusions.

4. The aim is to test whether or not the genre approach is “more successful” than a traditional process one.

5. The genre approach is presented as the ‘wheel’.

6. More explanation, evaluation and references to this pedagogical approach would have helped to motivate the research.

7. There are areas where the text moves too quickly without sufficient depth (e.g. p10) so the writer’s understanding is not brought out.

8. The rationale for the method is unpersuasive.

9. Claims on p11 are not substantiated.

10. A clear picture of the research does not emerge.

11. Citations appear for display rather than simply to point out the basis for a clear explanation.

12. There are errors in terminology (e.g. stratified).

13. Some aspects of the conduct of the study are dubious.

14. What is the relation between students being informed about their participation and the “impersonating a student publisher” on page 15?

15. Why were the treatments different in terms of the number of texts (p. 16)?

16. These may seem like small points but they may have affected the reliability of the study.

17. The results section is impressive and seems to reflect the student’s strengths with text analysis.

18. A fine-grained analysis of texts based on many in-depth articles is presented.

19. There is a question about the number of clauses in each student text – a detail which significant.

20. There are one or two omissions and errors in the referencing.

21. There are occasional breakdowns in language but not so many as to impede understanding.

22. Some areas of the text seem rushed: final proofreading or drafting is required (p9 refers to an appendix which is not present).

23. The main drawback of the research is that the intervention (the different texts given to the experimental group) is simply too small to account for any difference in the student product.

24. This means that the evidence will not support the conclusion.

25. The student does not show an awareness of this difficulty.

26. Nevertheless, there is a clear suggestion that the student has provided a solid and well-meaning structure to a difficult problem.

27. Seen as a pilot study in method, the research is more worthy than when seen as a proof of the findings.

Author B (‘Text 3’)

359/21

17.09

Author Unknown

1. The writer has come a long way since submitting her first major assignment.

2. Her English proficiency has significantly improved thanks to the efforts she has made with the support of the University’s Academic Skills Unit.

3. As a result, her prose style, though not perfect, is sufficient to enable uninterrupted reading.

4. The student sought dissertation guidance on a number of occasions, and it is pleasing to see that she has acted on the guidance which was provided, with particular regard to structuring and exemplification.

5. The writer takes us through a series of definitional sequences in relation to (i) the status of bed and breakfast establishments in British and Taiwanese tourist cultures, (ii) the B&B brochure as a marketing tool, (iii) the relevance of functional and communicative translation theories.

6. Chapter 4, in which the STs and writer’s TTs are presented, is followed by a full discussion of key translation issues.

7. Significantly, both the introductory chapters and the commentary chapter are equally long, which gives the dissertation a nice balance.

8. The commentary section is based on the key elements of B&B brochures, which again allows the writer to structure coherently what she presents to the reader.

9. The analysis is accompanied by a numerous examples, the quality of which is assessed by the second marker, a Chinese native speaker.

10. See below.

11. The writer’s thesis is that promotional texts of this kind require a hybrid creative translation strategy.

12. However, I did think that to devote just two to three pages to this strategy at text level towards the end of the dissertation, pages 73,74,75, was not sufficient.

13. And this did tend to undo some of the balances in the dissertation, to which I have referred earlier.

The commentary section is based on the key elements of B&B brochures, which again allows the writer to structure coherently what she presents to the reader.

As a result, her prose style, though not perfect, is sufficient to enable uninterrupted reading.

‘Her English proficiency has significantly improved thanks to the efforts she has made with the support of the University’s Academic Skills Unit’

‘Chapter 4 in which the STs and writer’s TTs are presentedis followedby a full discussion of key translation issues’.

 ‘the writer takes us’

‘she presents to the reader’

Text 2: 4

Text 3:  4

Text 2: 5

(sections 6.1 and 6.2); (trados)

Text 2: 16 commas

Text 36: 23 commas

text 2: semi-colon (0) colon(1)

text 3: semi-colon (2) colon(0)

total semi-colons: 3

total colons: 2

Text 2: 5

Atril’s; reader’s; writer’s

‘…the ways in which cultural elements are articulated in technical translation and an analysis of…’.

‘While this shape has been retained the space allocated to the various sections of the dissertations was not expected’.

‘Of the 90 pages devoted to the dissertation some 60 are taken up by the corpus…’.

‘The highly limited investigation of a substantial corpus and it should be noted that no details on the texts are provided beyond a list of website addresses for the st and a list of…’

‘And that no explanation is given as to why these texts in particular were selected means that the dissertation cannot be accepted as a pass’.

‘For a resubmission the student will be required to produce a new version of chapter 6 taking the above points into account’.

Text 2:

‘The writer’s command of English is very good and communication with the reader is generally not impeded’.

An example is provided on page 5 where the writer is reporting on Trados’ adoption of Atril’s integrated approach’.

‘Expressions like huge mistake’ p 38 and not to be sneezed at’ p 40 also suggest that an academic writing style is not consistently maintained’.

‘The lack of rigour is manifested elsewhere in the dissertation’.

‘However no attempt is made to correlate the purported lesser use of tm by women…’

‘So for example the geographical location of the respondents is pinpointed on page 20 but…’

‘Greater, rigour could have been achieved through better use of concluding summaries at the end of key chapters’.

‘And the same applies to chapter 3 where a linking section between the report on the findings of the survey and the interviews would have been welcome’.

‘The methodology employed is basically sound but could have been applied with more rigour and objectivity’.

Text 3:

‘…the quotation on page 26 appears to be misquoted’.

‘Could the dissertation be improved?’

‘Well yes the data provided could have been more detailed more use could have been made of tables and of appendices for example’.

Text 2: 7

Text 3: 4

2. explanations (e.g. p12)

3. exams and speaking (this begins of page 6).

4. The summary on p19 and p20

5. description of the participants (p.27)

6. the most part in is here (p28)

Text 2: 5 commas.

Text 3: 12 commas.

Text 1: 15

Text 2: 5

Text 3: 12

Text 2: no semicolons.

Text 3: 1 semicolon.

Text 2: 1 colon.

Text 3: no colons.

Text 2: 2 question marks.

Text 3: no question marks.

Text 2: 3 hyphens.

Text 3: no hyphens.

Text 2: 4 quote marks.

Text 3: no quote marks.

Text 2: 4 apostrophes.

Text 3: no apostrophes.

Text 2: 7 parentheses.

Text 3: 5 parentheses.

• ‘These constructs are explained and operationalised using contemporary literature and measurement techniques’.
• ‘Terms are defined and supported with literature’.
• ‘Questions of the appropriate nature of the constructs and their contextual suitability are regularly raised’.
• ‘Key terms are defined early and succinctly’.
• ‘…there is a tension between Taiwan as unique context and Taiwanese learners are being linked with Chinese ones’.
• ‘That said it was impressive throughout how much context specific literature had been found and how the nuances of say wen and clement had been taken on board’.
• ‘Less space is given to pedagogical implications than might have been expected in a dissertation inspired by a enthusiasm to improve teaching’.
• ‘No changes in teaching to see what improves things has been undertaken’.
• ‘The text is presented exceptionally well’.

Text 2: 6

• ‘The research is based on an extensive reading of complex literature and a principled view of methodology’. (I’m not sure this is passive. Based on might be acting as an adjective? Maybe?)
• ‘The genre approach is presented as the wheel’.
• ‘… the writer’s understanding is not brought out’.
• ‘Claims on p11 are not substantiated’.
•  A fine-grained analysis of texts based on many in-depth articles is presented.
• ‘Some areas of the text seem rushed final proofreading or drafting is required p9 refers to an appendix which is not present’.

Text 3: 10

• ‘The section on motivation could have been more detailed and wider referenced’.
• ‘The research comes from a practical problem rather than a gap in the literature the literature is used to support the research’.
• ‘The research has been conducted in a thorough and ethical manner’.
• ‘The target companies have been left anonymous’.
• ‘However more context is needed both to describe their business (size, turnover, etc.) to explain…’
• ‘Moreover it is unclear why the three companies were taken as a cohesive group other than…’
• ‘The objectives need to be revisited throughout the text’.
• ‘The objectives of the research needed to be stated in the introduction and…’
• ‘On occasion the readability of the text breaks down e g the first sentence of the introduction could be brokendown into three shorted ones’.
• ‘However these occasions do not prevent the text from being well written and controlled’.